Friday, June 01, 2007, 14:53
[the beginning of june] and [my mind is made up! or i think it is]
the past 2 weeks was a turmoil for me
with conflictin thoughts always, and me swaying from 1 side to another
causing me agony, frustration, anger and pain
i dunno why, but somehow ytd, when i was hearing the song 'i finally found someone' and the newly burnt CD songs inside my car, i somehow made my resolution
its tough, and its painful, but somehow i know i have to go thru all these
sometimes when one get used to a kinda life *lifestyle if you call it one?*
its hard to break away or tear oneself away from the routine of such
some humans try to spice up their life by introducing new things
but sadly, such fads fade away, and sometimes too quickly
learning to a new 'lifestyle' is difficult, and has alot of entwining and bumpy roads
not many make it thru the change, and give up halfway
i guess thats what make humans human
the ability to rely...reliance~
its such a painful thing
to want to let go, but not letting go will result in a more painful outcome
Had drinks @ dragonfly ytd, dun ask me why the sudden thing to go clubbing
i just wanted to have drinks
going back to such places remind me of a vague past i had
nights of drinking, smoking, noisy music, and rowdy frends till wee hours were a distant memory, with tons of both happiness and unhappiness.
now thinkin back, am i glad i didnt turn out the other way
but it was fun then. carefree without worries and definitely young then...
now? its just getting older by the day, and getting weary of all the things happening
somedays it gets so bad that you have to find energy, which barely, just to get thru the day
There're so many things which 1 want in their life, for me, i choose to concentrate on those material things, and focus less on those immaterial things
cuz material things are within my control
and immaterial things such as love are not
call me practical or whatever; i dun care
different people focus on different things in life
i focus on my work and xiaobai
these 2 are enough to make me happy for a long long time *i hope*
Im in a grouchy mood nowadays, i feel as though my work's piling up on me, and i seem to be suffocating from all these. i dunno why ive gotten this kinda feeling, but nowadays, at the end of each day, i feel as though ive not completed alot of my things, and that ive accomplished nothing. like a total waste of the day.
maybe my pace of life has slowed down; subconsciously, and i dun realli like it, or that im not used to it.
but till now, i cant find the reason, and im frustrated.
i feel as though my work's affected, and i HATE it.
a large part of me is missing; or so it seems.
im sad but i cant seem to find enough courage to let my tears go
for i feel if i let my tears go, ill be letting myself down
i know i think weird, but im weird, so smack me?
Grouchy Adelynn whose not looking forward to the weekend.
