Sunday, March 05, 2006, 01:25
i finally watched my movie... super long overdue
cuz its been months since my last movie
and i picked i not stupid 2.
for a few reasons...
for sch assignment... & cuz i wana watch that show
it was the rightest choice for me...
to me...
i felt that it had a very strong underlying message that it is tryin to put across to the viewers
one that seems subtle thru the show, but impacts very strongly
or for me at least...
my aftertots?
i can understand the discrimination of the majority of society towards the 'lesser educated' or what i term as 'not socially accepted by singapore society'
at times i jest at the general society of singapore
of how in the search of higher education to improve oneself
oneself actually forgets that not everyone is that fortunate, nor academically inclined.
however not being academically inclined does not mean that one is stupid
one may have talents in so many other ways
other times i jest at how shallow singaporeans can be
with such biased perception to those they term as 'lower class' themselves
however.. how high class can 1 be if you are one who segregate class
what kinda class is there in society nowadays?
does being rich financially means that you belong to a 'higher class' than others?
does being rich mentally means that you belong to a 'higher class' than others?
or does being rich in personality makes u a 'higher class' individual?
btwn all these, i wld choose the last...
how can 1 neglect the most basic functions and needs of a human's life in search of those secondary to one's life?
has us humans in the search of higher education & higher quality of living, forgotten our basic needs? at times i do feel so...
i felt the ache of chengcai & jerry
an immediate sense of contrast in life
yet so similar in many emotional ways
does being poor means one muz turn out to be a delinquent?
or does being rich means u definitely feel misunderstood?
i agree with the 'erm, ah, orh' that is constantly portrayed in the show
do you at times do it? or are u a frequent user of it?
do ur parents rant at you, hopin u learn, but do not realise that its not workin on u? in fact it has a negative effect on urself?
i myself use erm, ah, orh, ya and the most frequent 'ha-nah' *in an frustrated tone of cuz* to my parents.
has ur parents blocked ur voice and tots off so much that it becomes part of ur daily life?
mine did.. and i no longer wana voice
time goes by, i just keep quiet, till i no longer have the urge to speak up in whatsoever sense
or maybe im juz tired of speakin since no matter how i speak, im never heard?
e ability of parents to twist and turn the meanin of ur words into something totally different from your intended message?
well, i am afterall human and over the years, i did feel tired...
rebellion is the result of such causes.
cause and effect is a closely related reaction.
so whats the effect of urs?
till date, at times i feel that i have not made my peace yet
but again, what is peace? will one ever achieve it?
i guess this does not only apply btwn parents and children
but also btwn couples
i remember all the 'ahs... yars... and okays...' btwn mr. R and myself..
i remember not wantin to talk further, for it wun get me anywhere.
and maybe in some sense, he might have felt the same?
well again, a mystery that wil nv have an answer?
sometimes pple in life, lk the show, steven and karen [parents of jerry] try to atone for their mistakes...
but think back, wld it be all too late?
wun the resentment have built up that it created walls around oneself?
ever felt 2nd place? that its the effect of a cause? any cause?
i belive everyone is able to relate to such...
will there ever be mistakes that you can never atone for?
no matter how hard u try?
maybe so...
ever felt so alone in this world?
and trapped?
i did... and i believe im not the only one.
*and of cuz, im not referrin to love only but in many other ways*
who was the one that walked u out of it?
or rather, how did u walk out of it?
or are u to date, still walkin ard in that maze all alone?
its scary, for its unhealthy psychologically for anyone,
be it children or adults...
money can only buy material things
but never things that are of the most importance in life
does one in the search of material things forgo the most important things in life?
does a LV bag, or a new car mean more to you than the one that might share ur life with u for the rest of urs?
did u manage to see both the different sides of the story as intended to be portrayed in 'im not stupid 2'?
i did..
and it made me cry, and real bad too...
for all that i have in my life
and for all that i dun...
for how fortunate i am in so many ways
for not having certain basic needs that i deem as important to myself
it made me have alot [SUPER ALOT] of tots
but i nv regret watchin the show
i do lk the show alot, though some might find it 'lame'?
i dun... for i see the intended message
do u?
my tears that have fallen are for those times whereby i held back my tears so badly
and i HATE IT becuz durin the show someone behind me actually said 'u cry for what, its so lame'
MY GOD. this person has no F*ckin emotions
[pardon my language, but i have this compellin need to use this word on this stranger behiind me]
over the years, ive begun to accept
but does one, or will one ever ever realli heal?
im not sure...
maybe i nv will know e answer..
will you? enlighten me if you do
a show that creates so much self thoughts and flash backs in life
for me at least...
i wld say its a good show
for sacrificing my sleep and thou im super shack
p/s: this is a super long and bo liao entry *to some at least* somehow there are many other tots that i dun wish to share in this blog, that i might wana just keep it within me, and maybe one day, when im ready, to let it go...
i once said this in an entry many many donkey months ago..
and it just came across my mind
things in life are like broken glass
the harder u grasp in ur palm
the deeper the wound, the more painful it is, the more amount of blood
if one learns to understand in order to heal, one muz be willin to let go of the grip one has on his/her own palm.. and slowly let go of the glass that has been grasped and embedded into ur flesh by urself, ur need to grasp it so tightly, one will never heal
in order to heal, one muz slowly open the gripped palm, and let go off the broken glass and let the bleedin stop, and the regeneratin of new skin cells to induce healin...
i guess i still in sync wif rexxie
i had this strong feelin he was somewhere around me
and i saw rexxie indeed within seconds of my sudden feeling
im happi that im still so in sync wif rexxie
that i can still feel 'my son' though he is so distant in my life
a bond that is so strong, that the time apart from me never made me stop loving him, nor feelin for him... a bond that might be unbreakable by time nor distance
though i haf lost/relinquish the status of being 'his mummy' a long time back
but a part of me will always be his 'mummy'
a mummy that wld always miss him, and love him no matter where he is or who he is with
in loving memory of rexxie ang & relynn ang
a lovely lovely son of a gunmtetal car
a lovely love daughter of a blue blue bike
the times of where i bathe for them...
*or rather at times me playin wif water*
of the the travels both my son and daughter brought me too...
dun ask me why one has to be a boi and one has to be a ger..
it just came naturally to me
and the names? all naturally too
just a silent acknowledgement to honestly i dunno how we started callin them rexxie and relynn and son and daughter...
i love them so dearly
and i always will...
think enuff of my nonsense
i shall go re-tune my emotions
and re-stablise myself once more
adelynn
