Wednesday, January 25, 2006, 12:57
there are so many thoughts going thru
many of which im sure no1 else would be able to comprehend
some of which i would like someone else to know
but again
these thoughts just remain as thoughts
for im not sure exactly how to transform them into words
there are so many things i wana say
yet these are also the same things im tryin hard to keep within myself
somehow its like a dilemna of whether to hold or let go
im hesitant about takin a next step
but yet somehow im not contented with myself remaining in this spot?
a part of me WANTS to take this next step
yet a part of me is HOLDING me back
therefore creating a constant turmoil of back and foreward thoughts & decisions
the inability of myself to calm these thoughts down or make them go away somehow adds to it
just when i thought i passed that 'phrase'
the period of missing & crying & feelin down & sad all the time
just when i tried so hard to 'balance' myself out
and then it all starts right all over again
sometimes i feel like saying :
dun walk in and out of my life as u please
i have feelings & my patience
there is only so much i can take
make up ur mind to come or go
and stick to it
but yet again, i somehow feel i never would
for ill never be harsh to him
and maybe him onli
how weird this might seem when i can blatantly outright say no to other guys
[yeap, i put guys onli, for the gers mean the world to me, and ill never say no to them in some sense too?]
this is once again getting me all so confused
well wana know the bright side?
actually not all that bright too
got my timetable for 1 of my core modules
[peng san BIG TIME]
i think i will either drown
or maybe just shrivel up & become like a raisin or something like that.
im mad i know
maybe i knew it all along
hahahx
