Wednesday, January 25, 2006, 22:42
i have this sudden urge to write this 'letter' out
to whom ill not mention the name
if this person happens to come across this
i believe somehow you'll know that its for you
but who knows
the intended receipient might never ever come across this
dearest
i guess in some sense i never dare to pen down such a letter
for i guess it might mean the worst about everything
but again we cant fight against reality
honestly i dunno what exactly to say here too
it seems so totally like the usual us. evasive yet at times unknowingly revealing
you came into my life with such a sudden whirlwind that caught me unbalanced
distintive characteristics that i saw you in that i was seeking all my life in a partner
things that i cant even catch a glimpse of in the people around me
i guess i fell too hard for you & i fell the wrong way
who am i to say i have lost you when i never really had you in the first place
im just a nobody to you, somehow who happen to chance upon ur path
but to me,you chanced upon your life & even though you have walked off trail, somehow i still find you lingering around.
for some time before you came into my path
i had thought i forgotten what exactly it was to anticipate seeing someone, to feel the flutter of heart but along with you, you brought everything back.
in some sense you gave me the biggest present for my 23rd
the resistance towards relationships in my life ever
for a long time i never cried for anyone
for a long time i never cry running to anyone
stupidity. thats what others might call it
to me, its having as much memories i can collect with you
i have this huge urge to hold unto you, to somehow never let you go
yet i never do, to which why im not sure
with whatever memories we have created together
with whatever happiness you have given me
they are precious to me
irreplaceable;unerasable
at times i hate your selfishness for self protection
hate your determination & decisiveness
for they are the exact elements in you that are hurting me
yet as hard as i refuse to admit
i admit i do
you manage to intrigue me
you manage to interest me
and the amazing thing is you did it effortlessly & when i was at my most guarded
a sense of sadness & helplessness i cant help but to feel
a sudden lost of sense of direction in some ways
your sudden departure brought about pain i had almost forgotten
this time being even more painful than the previous
for i was more guarded than i was previously
and yet u came the closest to breaking down the walls
in some sense you saw my self worth when i lost sight of it
till now i cant make up my mind on how i feel about you
remember i once said you'll know where to find me should you need me
ill stick to that
for now or maybe forever
goodbye
with love
the naughty lil girl of yours
the baby side of this girl whom u cant help but laugh at
adelynn
