Friday, October 21, 2005, 03:26
[pink pooh]
my baby's finally back with me
btwn daddy and mummy i guess she has to choose one
its sad but true
least i have her to hug,to sleep beside me, to fill the void
i nv realised he actually wore the watch i passed him
it was only when i placed the watch on my hand again i realised the straps were adjusted
the very straps that we said for a long time to do it but it wasnt done
the watch's a consolation to me i guess
for he wore it before
and previously i wore it
and its back to me
it will always remind me of him
and it will always be worn by me to somehow feel close to him
thou its denial i agree i guess with him, ill always be in denial
the 2nd last conversation always rings in my head
he said i was stupid
emotions got the better of me, words came out without me even realising when i said 'yes im stupid enuff to still be in love with u... and my words dimmed down, in my heart i was cont saying.. when ure already in love with another'
my hp rang with the ringtone tong hua once again today
when i tot it never will ever again
[deep down i know it wld be the last i hear of tong hua]
21st oct 2005 0028hrs from 野蛮男友
his name is still saved under 野蛮男友, i nv changed it
i remember saving his name under darling vince previously but when he showed me his hp, where he saved my contacts under 野蛮nu友
its still 野蛮男友 in my hp, but i believe it definitely isnt 野蛮男友 in his mobile.
it was a peaceful conversation
no raised voices
reminded me slightly of how we used to call and talk to each other momentarily, it brought me to the past he called
he cldnt hear me
[dumb blardi hp,constantly giving me probs nowadays]
i called him back after some hesistation
he said he dropped pink pooh over le, and left it by the gate
i said okay and thanks
he asked, aint u gona call ur maid to pick it up in case its gone?
i said okay. and thanks.
its on constant replay
somehow when i tot i was so broken till i cant feel more pain
i actually did feel pain
somehow when i tot ive calmed myself down enuff, garnered my feelings
well its goes into chaos again.
ill have pink pooh to listen to me
ill have pink pooh to wipe my tears away
ill have pink pooh to fall back on no matter what ...
in a few hours i attempt to make it all fade away once more...
all in a few hours
im unhappy, im broken, im sad, im missin him thou i know i shld not [groove coverage - she] but ive changed the lyrics a lil
[he is the one that ill never forget
he is the heaven sent angel i met]
i 'stole' a pic of the dvd player we shared in getting
just that i nv got the chance to take a pic of it
thou its not taken by me, and the pics made me sad
i believe he loves the dvd player alot
i believed he wanted it alot and im happi he has it now
decided to upload it here even if this pic wasnt taken by me
i guess nv again will i get a chance to take a pic like this
nv again will i get to fiddle with his hi fi
playin the songs i love so much
fightin with him to hear my songs instead of his songs
how can i let it all go when it all means so much to me?
how can i lie and say i dun feel the pain when the pain is all so real to me?
'what cant be cured can be endured'
but can i realli endure it
or wld it break me before i manage to endure it?
im tired, with only him bein able to break this tiring league of life
my new life and myself are waitin for him
like 2 souls whose lost their direction
how long wld we wait?
how long can we wait?
before the tedious process engulfs us both?
wld he ever turn back and look behind his shoulder?
wld he pause to think?
ironically its the 21st...
[i run to you like i always do when i close my eyes i think of you
such a lonely girl such a lonely world
when i close my eyes i dream
i return to u like i always do
i close my eyes i think of you]
pls, make such tots go away.
let them fade away like what they all said it wld
why didnt it when i tried so hard?
why does the pain seem so near?
ive broken, and broken again.
dun break me anymore
[in tears][in pain][in ongoing,seemingly never ending sorrow]
adelynn
