Thursday, September 15, 2005, 10:09
fitful sleep.woke up every 2 hours odd
finally down to my last pack of camomile tea from vince
[it sure took me awhile to finish it up,considerin that he was my camomile tea for awhile]
wonderin if i shld drink it tonite, or simply keep it for memory sake
did sumthin silly last night
hand delivered a lil sumthin to him last nite
in a bid to cheer him up
apparently it didnt
[and agn,the mind goes back to qns like 'am i simply not good enuff?']
tiffy and carol calls it self blame.
that once things go wrong,
ill start lookin at myself and questionin myself what/who/why
that i undertake more blame without knowin it
but i dun feel that way
the gers said what they fear the most about me, for me
some pple argue things out
for me, i keep quiet.
and thats what the gers fear most.
the thoughts when i keep quiet.
they say the process of self questioning, and self blame starts coming around
and at the end of the dae
even if it isnt any fault of both parties [just some miscommunication or whatever]
i would make it out to be my fault
i dun see it this way
i see it as a questioning process to see whats the prob
to see if the underlyin cause comes within me
gers, dun worry
yes, i dun sae out exactly whats on my mind
i keep lotsa thoughts to myself
and that i know u guys worrie for me alot
and have been always here for me whenever things go bad
im happi now, im safe whenever im with him
and he does bring me happi moments.
we just need some fine tuning on stuff i guess
oh, and before i forgot,
yesterdae was also zane's birthday
happi 24th bdae zane
hope u enjoyed ur dae.
[grinz]
always am his
lil princess
adelynn
