Friday, August 05, 2005, 17:50
[i seek comfort in myself]
on grey daes
i used to always tell myself that ill be okay when i was alone
and somehow or rather, i somehow learnt the skill of self healing
but when my tears fall
thats when its my indication that im almost to my brim of self healing
at times im tired of telling myself its okay when i know its not
at times im tired of lying to myself that it dun hurt as long as i dun think about it
[being in the same room where i kept hammies and all, reminds me so much of them. yet im not supposed to think of them as it would onli make it sad.]
is there a switch within me to say stop thinking and dats it?
i wished there was
i miss the movie dates we had.
i miss the coffee sessions we had
i miss the times we shared in the car.
are these all slowly fading away?
the last coffee session... was.. a week ago
at pit stop
sadly it wasnt much of a memorable one to look back upon
as it didnt go well either.
are we slowly disintegrating
and the 'want' to spend time on me is no longer there.
he wrote in his nick: so now going out becomes a crime?
i replied in a moment of anger: no,gg out is not a crime. go all for all u want den. im no1 to stop u, and anywae u cant be stopped, so whats the pt in me attemptin to try anywae? ill fail. and anywae u dun owe it to me to acc me.
[i regretted it the moment i pressed the entered key but sadly i cant take it back]
what i wanted was to ask him:
when was the last time we had coffee together, and talked and laughed?
when was the last time u said dear lets go for a movie?
i do at times will miss such simple times together.
but sadly
he never wanted to hear
his last response to me, was nvm, forget it.
and that was it.
im afterall just a girl who needs to be doted on
i dunno why guys see spending time = sleeping time
to gers, or rather to me, its not called spending time together.
cuz both of us are not awake
and sleepin in our own dreamland
maybe it has indeed become a routine
or maybe just a duty
im hurt, it hurts...
maybe its time not to have expectations
but again
how not to expect when one has emotional inclinations and attachment to the other party
life's indeed an irony and frustration
maybe my feelings to him, isn't important at all
maybe its time to use this sentence lolo always uses
[resign to fate and just count the things/surprises he blesses upon u. and after each thing/surprise simply quietly wait for the next one to come. when ure tired and it dun come, simply tear it out and once again, wait patiently.]
a princess i was reinstated,
yet a princess i am not again
adelynn
