Sunday, July 31, 2005, 22:06
[rainy dae = slow and ___ start indeed]
duno what to use to describe the start so its ___
sumtimes its realli frustrating when someone close is feeling grumpy of what i wld call off mode and yet theres nothing much i can do to help heighten the situation
its called helplessness, its call tryin yet not gettin it right
and ive not felt it for a long time.
it gets to one especially when the person is close to heart wif u.
and yet, u wan so much to do sumthing to make it all better
yet there's nothing much u can do
some call it helplessness
some call it incompetence
i call it both
somehow, for a LONG long while
for the first time in so long
i feel once again i failed
the sick feelin in my tummy where i feel once again i failed to make that someone whose close to my heart laugh and not be bothered by whatever the person is bothered about
that sick feeling i used to constantly get, but over time i assumed it had been washed away.
am i reali incompetent or what?
maybe i am indeed.
whereby for the slight moment last night
i felt once more, i was realli attemptin to make it all better
yet i was constantly banging against a thick thick wall
afterthoughts?
helpless was one of them, followed by incompetence
followed by frustration[towards myself] and yet went back to incompetence again
does it realli hurt to care about sum1 deep from the heart?
or is it my pale ways dun seem to matter to that someone?
i tried, i really did, in my own gentle ways
or maybe im not adequate enuff?
or im simply not good enuff?
for a moment as i lay in bed
i was sad
or rather a weird feeling i haven been felt for a while, a long while
yet there was nothing i could do
as i hugged subaru bear tightly to bed.
no good nite greetings
no good night kiss anymore
all i had last night was subaru bear bear, bo bo, chou chou and myself
and the plain white ceilings as i lay awake for a long while
somehow, tiredness and some unknown pain in my heart put me to sleep.
i missed him today but being that silent me
i nv said it out.
somehow i hope that the tuggins of my heart cld be felt by him
i wished.
[end of weekend]
adelynn
