Wednesday, July 13, 2005, 18:50
its been a busy busy dae.
all the way since i opened my eyes
but well todae has proven to be fruitful
and eventful
but again not wif downs.
but well life goes on anywae huh?
someone asked me today
'how do u deal wif questions you dun wana answer?'
i tot about it for like 5 secs
and gave this answer
'if one knows me well enuff, one will kow that i will not answer questions that i dun wana answer, rather i will choose to answer with an answer that does not equivalate to an answer at all after the person hears it'
haha, do u understand what my sentence means?
[if u somehow do, prob u mite just be on the same wavelength as me]
for once in my life
i was harsh to someone who might just mean sumthing to me.
i was straight and cuttin with my words
but little does the person know that the exact same words cuts and hurts me too.
[little do u know the pain that ran thru me as the words came out of my mouth]
each sentence means sumthing
but do u know the underlyin feeling i have and the meaning i want to show u?
nah, i dun think u do.
but again, who can realli understand me?
its fine. life goes on [does it reali???]
i believe that communicating or rather talkin to someone u care so much is simply a love and hate affair.[well at least to me it does]
love cuz...
...talkin to sum1 whom u care so much is simply simple bliss
to be able to have simple times and simple talk and simple laughter
...it makes one smile and heart's warm
...ull miss talkin to the person if the person no longer talks to u
...ull miss the prescense of the person if the person no longer lingers around u, nor ur heart...
hate cuz..
..when reality strikes in, pain comes, and hurt comes, and eventually tears come.
...when realization falls or jolts u back to reality, u somehow feel that you have lost whatever you have shared with that special someone.
...when you know you can never regain back the simple conversations you had previously, the simple laughter and the simple joy...
so what exactly does one feel? love or hate?
or rather, can u differentiate the thin line between love or hate?
the thin line between needing that someone and missing that someone?
the thin line between the attempt to try again or simply just turning around to walk away?
at times i dun see that line
but again, since when was that line ever clear?
at least maybe its not evident to me?
im not sure of myself anymore
neither am i not sure of whats right and whats wrong
neither am i sure of whats goin on.
sometimes dinner with someone can simply mean so little yet so much
depending on ur perspective on things.
im not talkin only abt relationships, but also friendships
think about this.
i hope to have dinner once more with that special someone
to enjoy the simple laughter and the simple conversations we shared
i would give up ANYTHING once more to have dinner with that special someone
[would my wish come true?]
ill be waitin to find out...
im tired after the long day
but somehow my minds still moving
it cant seem to stop moving or churning
and my energy levels are high in some ways
yet low in other ways
why does it feel so?
think im gona take my medication to go sleep thru the night once more again.
i nEED TO SLEEP IT OVER
to sleep TODAY over.
maybe it would lessen my pain or my hurt.
todae means sumthing to me.
do u even realise it?
i dun think so
call urself insensitive
or call me over sensitive.
i wonder which is it.
or maybe it dun mean anything anymore to u.
sigh.
[a mentally, physically,and emotionally tired out me]
[crave for sleep, for endless sleep so that i dun have to feel nor think anymore again]
[emotionally upset but actiing strong me]
[distraught princess]
adelynn
