Thursday, June 30, 2005, 15:17
[e past few days has been a blur]
as the title goes, it has been a blur
or rather a pendulum of emotions from happiness to sadness, from anger to pain, from anticipation to frustration.
attended a weddin dinner last nite
saw the video clip
somehow seems so heart warming.
and again,
knowing this would not be for me
it pains me.
tried to make things worked by taking that step out
to talk to him
and to call him
and to offer to accompany him
but he's like a blank wall
and i feel once again
im banging against it
okie, im tired.
and might just stop banging against it
cuz it mite just be painful.
been talkin to the gers
and hangin ard with them
gives me a sense of peace
and quietness
and the ocassionally gerly squabbles we have
plus the tons of laughter.
guess this is what life's all about?
guys are realli not the cup of tea of me
[and nah, im not implying im a lesbian]
haha, maybe its all just too much for me to handle.
lol.
or maybe im just not up to it rite now
or maybe i paint a perfect picture for myself
which in reality wun happen?
haha..
i hate squabbling
i hate cold wars
i hate not being okay with each other and blockin each other off
but i guess this is part and parcel of relationships?
yet this aspect is one i cant handle
lol.
im suffering from bad to worse insomia
haha, help me!
okie la, trying some alternative 'medication'
camomile tea.
it made my eyes heavy
but not to the extend of puttin me to sleep
