Saturday, January 01, 2005, 15:49
finally im waving bye bye, or rather shoving year 2004 out of my door..its been a long year, been a painful year... lived and died many times over and over again,each time wondering why i have the energy to move on...sometimes i simply amaze myself... it was a year of dreams dashed, hopes broken, hearts shattered, tears flowing,painful year for me, but there were also the good times... when i met rene... i guess this is the amazing thing of 2004, and yes, tat i turned 21 in 2004... but well the number dun really make any difference to me...
2004 the adelynn everyone knew disappeared into the darkness, died off bit by bit with each heart shattering moment, till no-one could see her anymore... It hurt the pple ard her, pple that cared and loved, but it hurt me the most...sumtimes the pain seem unbearable, seem too much, i just take another step back into my safety zone... till one day i realise not only do the pple ard me know me anymore, i dun even know myself anymore...and im determined to change this in 2005...i miss the laughing adelynn, the bubbly me, the one wif the attitude 'whateva that come,im here to face it and not run'...
had dinner wif joel,cecilia,johnathon & angeline @ rene's restaurant..and yes of cuz wif rene there... joel came to pick me up, it already had a unstable start of the evening... i was upset by him choosin not to sit beside me, he blamed me for placing my bag n pooh pooh there, but i remember vividly that i placed it one seat away from my seat... crap rite? lol.. nvm, he stained pooh pooh cheeks wif red wine, and laughed it off wif joel by saying 'the most i get u a new one'... it simply shattered my heart, and was the last straw i cld take in 2004... its not about getting a new one, it has sentimental values to me, i placed love, and i shared time wif it thou it was short... it means sumthing to me, and to him... i guess the tears just came out, but it flowed not only for pooh pooh, but also for myself, for the things that happened in 2004 that affected me so badly, and the year 2004 itself...
went dwn to pit stop, had wanted to try and make peace btwn kelvin n joel, apparantly i failed... during the car ride, he placed his hand in my hand..for once in 2005, i did sumthing i nv dared, i took off his watch, the stupid watch that i hate so, and he didnt resist... i placed my hand on his lap, and he held it thru the ride from pasir ris to pit stop and i fell asleep... guess i was tired out by 2004,by my tears...
2005 is a shaky start to begin wif, but im determined to make it better,stronger..i decided to throw everyhing of 2004 away, i even changed my frenster profile... and im waitin for my ring to be collected tml..hehe...
