Monday, September 13, 2004, 14:34
mY pAst, mY pReSeNt & mY fUtURe
fell down the stupid stairs of singapore post, ended up in hospital.... finally got out of that 'prison' and into another.. guess found out lotsa stuff during my stay there and sometimes i question myself whats the purpose of this stay.. is it to make me open my eyes and make me realise some stuff? well maybe its true... guess i was lying on behalf of him to myself just to make myself feel better...
sometimes i wonder if being committed is something difficult for guys... or is it something difficult for all humans? aint humans capable of multiple thinking and complex problem solving, if so, den why aint i able to solve probs now..
ironic thing about life is sumtimes when its time to let go, it just seems so difficult... or maybe letting go isnt the right option? or is it just an escape so that ill stop getting hurt.. when is the time to totally pull out and say its enough... when is time to say yes i do wana try again, tis time with the efforts... i guess nobody can really say when or where...
honesty is such a simple thing..but on the other hand, its also something thats most difficult to achieve in a relationships.. whats arguements.. whats anger.. whats fustration... and lastly whats love... i guess such questions cant realli be answered... many stuff goin thru my mind, stuff that i cant seem to put into words... i guess its all inside me, tryin to coop everything up till i cant take it anymore... but when is the limit of my tolerance? or am i testing my tolerance level already?
why are there questions and queries that cant be answered? tot every question have an answer? or should have an answer? if it isnt so, den why are questions questions..? well i guess my nonsense's starting again, asking illogical questions that no1 can seem to answer...
3 mths maybe a short time, but thinking back, it aint that short... memories are created, memories that somehow cant be erased or temporarily forgotten... good memories, bad memories, i guess this is what makes up a relationship... but why during hard or bad times, bad memories seems to be the only ones that comes to his mind, but good memories are the ones that make me go on, perservere to try and better this relationships...
i miss the beautiful eyes i know, i miss eden, i miss the roaming the streets days... and most of all, i miss the beautiful eyes i once knew... probably he also miss the bubbly adelynn he 1st knew... did i change, or did he change..or did our relationship change? is this change for the better or for the worse? can someone tell me this answer, or can this answer reveal itself in soon time, for i fear the road seems hazy....
with a broken heart, and only 1 person to mend it, but does this person wana mend things and make my rainbow come back? i guess only the holder has the answer.. while i, the person posin the question, can only wait for time to reveal.....
